Monday, August 16, 2010

Dating Over Fifty


Hi Ladies,

I have been discussing this subject with my girlfriends as of late because I wanted to write about dating over fifty. Actually my friends and I discuss it quite often.
First I want to say that there are many women over fifty that are quite happy with their lives and do not feel the need to date. Maybe they have never been married and are just fine with that or maybe they have been married and are loving their new found freedom.
With that being said so many of us ladies over fifty are dating again. Dating today is not like it was years ago. There are so many different ways to meet someone. There is introduction, joining groups (to learn a sport, dance, hobby, new language). Then there is going out with your girlfriends for dinner or drinks. Even if you do not meet someone it is still enjoyable to sit and chat with your friends. And of course there is online dating. Years ago we did not have online dating. I think the personals was the equivalent. You looked at them in privacy. It wasn't something that you would talk about. Now online dating is something that is very, very acceptable. In fact it is a very good option. There are so many dating sites available. The ones that come to mind are JDate and Match.com.
I asked one of my friends what she thought of dating over fifty and she used three words to describe it: complicated, interesting, and liberating. Another friend said that "It sucks". Well in my opinion I think besides being in your early twenties that being in our fifties is a wonderful time to date. I was reading what someone wrote about dating in our fifties. That men come with baggage. I mentioned that to my friend Beth. She said "it is not called baggage, it is called life". That is a good thing! We have been living life and we bring that with us to a new relationship. We have stories to tell. Good conversation. Life experiences. Most of our children are well on their way to being independent. We don't have to hire a babysitter! We can go out dancing for the evening and not worry about having to drive the babysitter home. We will not get phone calls from crying children. We can stay out past midnight and our coach will not turn into a pumpkin! And maybe we can still find our prince. People have found their true loves later in life. I know of a women who reconnected with a man that she went to high school with and they ended up getting married. Another of my friends has had numerous relationships and now is engaged to the love of her life! She didn't get discouraged. She learned from the relationships that she had and forged on to meet the man of her dreams. Yes she finally met the man of her dreams in her fifties. Many of us got married the first time around for all the wrong reasons.
It's exciting to meet new people and possibly find that special man. Not everyone has had immediate luck with dating again, but it can be fun. My friend Heidi said "you have to open yourself up to being in a new relationship". Yes that is so true. If you do not have an open mind then it will be near impossible to get close to anyone. Of course the best way to meet someone is by introduction. Although I've had two blind dates that were horrendous. You have to laugh it off and try again. Ladies this time around we are not looking to have children (my factory closed years ago). I think we are looking for a best friend. Someone to share life with. Someone to enjoy good food with. Someone to see wondrous sights with. Someone to take walks with and discuss the movie the two of you just saw. Someone to go to a concert with or a Broadway show. There are fun times to be had.. Ladies, that person is out there. As corny as it sounds your soul mate is waiting!
But be safe when you go on a date. Meet in a location where there are other people. Don't give out too much personal information until you know that you can trust this person. And for online dating don't put personal info in your profile like your phone number.
If you enjoy communicating with someone that you have met online then eventually that will lead to a date. When my friends go on blind dates they always tell me where they are going and we keep in touch until they are home safe. Don't get drunk.....you have to be in control if the date is not good and you have to leave. Also, have enough money with you......for whatever reason don't be stranded without any money. And don't let any man force you into having sex on a first or second date or for that matter until you want it too. If the chemistry is there then it will stay there and wait until you are ready!
Ladies when it comes to sex be safe. Before you have sex with a new person both people should be tested. Also until you are sure that the relationship is monogamous use condoms. Don't take a chance, it is not worth it! If a man does not agree with you then he is not worthy of having you for a girlfriend.
Remember take your time, be sensible but have fun. This is a new exciting chapter in your life.
It is not easy to start dating again but it is going to be worth the effort! As my friend Heidi said it is important to have an open mind. If you are in a social situation like a restaurant and you are approached by someone that has also caught your eye it is okay to flirt. Flirting is a good thing. Be friendly and give off signals that you want to socialize. But don't act desperate and throw yourself at someone. I think that a man is ultimately looking for the same thing that we are looking for. And I think that if a first date goes pretty well then a second date is in order. You may not fall head over heels on the first date but if you have a nice feeling about the man then you never know, feelings sometimes grow as you get to know someone better. Don't be discouraged, keep your options open, enjoy this new experience......we are over fifty and fabulous and have so much to look forward to!!!!

If you have any thoughts on the subject.......please post them so we can talk........Elyse Rose

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