Showing posts with label Divorce. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Divorce. Show all posts

Tuesday, October 3, 2023

Dating in your "Golden Years"



  Time flies, to say the least!  I'm going to be 70 on my next birthday.  I'm so grateful,  but how the heck did that happen?  I lost my Mom when she had just turned 64.  She was so young and beautiful.  I am blessed to be here but turning 70! Crazy!

  I've been divorced for many years.  My ex-husband and I got divorced when our daughter was in second grade. Our marriage was my ex-husband's second marriage.  When we met he had a three year old daughter.  So when I gave birth to my daughter she was blessed to have a sister seven years older than her.  This complicated our divorce.  It was heartbreaking to separate these sisters.  But we could not stay married.  In the long run it would have hurt my daughter and step-daughter to witness an unhappy marriage.    


Now to present day.  I have been dating a wonderful man for seven years.  He is turning 76 in November.  His wife passed away about 18 years ago.  We met on a dating site.  Before I started dating my boyfriend I had had a seventeen year relationship.  I loved my former boyfriend very much but we had family issues that kept us from ever getting married and making a life together.  Towards the end of our relationship we were still so close,  like best friends.  I still had strong feelings for him but so much got in the way of us having a future together.  I started dating and met my present boyfriend.  A few months into our relationship I was devastated.  My ex-boyfriend passed away suddenly.  I couldn't believe what had happened nor could I handle it.  It was destroying me in so many ways.  I could barely function.  My every waking moment was consumed with thoughts of him and what had happened and possibly what could have been if we did try somehow to make our relationship work.  My former boyfriend's passing really put a strain on my relationship with my present boyfriend.  It was very tough for quite a while.  Thanks to an amazing therapist I learned to live with the grief from this loss and was able to continue my relationship with my boyfriend.    

photo via prostooleh@freepik
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 

The older we get I guess the more baggage we have.  I once heard someone say that "you met a good man when he helps you unpack!"  I recently was speaking to a divorced woman who is 50 years old.  She said to me that she never wants to get married again.  She would like to meet someone who she can date but not live with. Then I was speaking with a woman in her late sixties.  She said why would a man want a woman who is 67 when he could date someone in her fifties.  Chemistry is still Chemistry.  When two people meet there is either a connection or not.  I really don't think your age is a major factor.  And maybe that man in his late sixties or seventies is looking for someone closer to his age because it just feels right!  There are times when I enjoy my alone time and don't feel the need to have a mate.  But there are more times that I do feel the need and desire to have a partner.   I know we all have different wants and needs and the answer to dating in our golden years is not the same for everyone. 

I watched The Golden Bachelor the other night.  I was loving every minute of it.  Gerry the bachelor is so genuinely kind and just real!  The show was so inspiring!  The women are between the ages of 60-75.  They were alive!  They had spunk!  And they wanted a chance at love again!  They looked great,  and yes they looked their age,  and they shined.  I'm sure some of them had a little help with cosmetic procedures but more power to them.  You go girls!  And Gerry thought that the women were beautiful.  He didn't seem to be looking for a 50 year old.  I can't wait to watch the whole season. 

I realize that there are different reasons why women want to date.  What are your reasons?  Or are you content being on your own?  No judging!  We are all individuals with our own wants and needs!  












photos via freepik


 

Thursday, August 18, 2011

We Are Family!

This past Sunday I attended my step-daughter's bridal shower.  Her mom hosted it at her country club in New Jersey.  It was absolutely beautiful!  My step-daughter was surrounded by friends and family.
 My step-daughter opened her gifts as her sister, my daughter, assisted in the festivities.  My step-daughter is 31 years old and is getting married in October.  My daughter is 24 years old.  When I met my step-daughter she was three and a half years old.  She was so adorable!  I was nervous to meet her at the time because, of course,  I wanted her to like me.
I was blessed with a daughter when my step-daughter was seven years old.  I was so thrilled that they had each other.  So happy that they were sisters.  They were never half sisters, they were always sisters.  They were typical sisters, just not seven days a week.
My heart broke when I got divorced from their father.  It broke because not only was my daughter's father moving out of the house but I was breaking up two sisters.  What do I do?  Stay in a marriage that is not good  and let my daughter and step-daughter see that or get out?  A torturous decision.  I couldn't stay married.  So not only was my husband leaving, I knew that my step-daughter was not going to sleep over every weekend anymore.  Needless to say this made my daughter and myself extremely sad.  This is a guilt that I always have within me.
I tried in whatever ways I possibly could to keep my two daughters together over the years.  It was not easy.  They saw each other whenever possible.  A positive was that I love my step-daughter's mom (when my daughter was little she thought that her sister's mom was her aunt.)  When their father was around the girls would see each other a little more.  It was never as it was when we were all together.   Then years later my ex-husband and his girlfriend moved to Florida which greatly upset the two girls.
As my two daughters got older on their own they recultivated their sisterhood.  Each year they get closer and closer.  Needless to say it makes me happy.  But more important they have each other.  And I know that that makes them happy.  They have different personalities that sometimes clash.  But through it all they are sisters.  They always have been and they always will be!
Now as my step-daughter enters the next phase of her life as a wife to a wonderful man,  my daughter couldn't be happier.  My daughter made a beautiful speech and presentation to her sister at the shower.  It was a very emotional moment for me as well as for my two daughters.
 There are so many happy things to look forward to!  We are all so excited about the wedding! My daughter looks forward to getting a brother-in-law and cannot wait for her sister to have a baby so she can be an aunt!  That will make me a step-grandmother.  But I hope that I will just be considered a grandmother.
My ex-husband has been in a relationship for the past ten years.  So at the shower was the mother of the bride, the step-mother of the bride, the girlfriend of the father of the bride and the mother of the groom.  That makes four future grandmothers!!!  One big happy family!!!  And we really are!!!!!! (most of the time)



My beautiful Step-daughter at her Bridal Shower
To her right, her mom (1st wife), me (2nd wife), next,  present girlfriend and to my step-daughter's left her future mother-in-law